quit; the sequel

I need to quit my job.
It's too early. It's too stressful. It angers me. It depresses me. I need to quit!

Why is it so hard to quit something after so long? Shouldn't I be comfortable talking to these people who I've known for 3 years? Shouldn't I be comfortable talking to my friend, who I've known for almost 4 years now? Why do I get butterflies and becomes so nervous when I'm trying to talk to anyone now. I feel like I'll break down to tears. 

I took the week off of work. Apparently I look refreshed. I need to quit. This job is so stressful just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. My stomach turns. I am a nervous wreck. 

I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. I ruined this good thing we had. And I just miss him so much. I miss you.

This relationship was doomed from the beginning because of who I am in this world and where I'm from. But, damn, the way he made me feel! The way I took that relationship for granted because I'm just that stupid. How could I be so stupid!? 

It's finally coming out. My emotions that I've held for so long. I just miss him. I miss talking to him. I hate how awkward it is now. I hate saying I love you and I hate not being able to hold his hand and kiss him and call him and talk to him and I am just hurting so much I'm going crazy. Why does this happen? 

I'm going to quit. I don't care anymore. I'm emailing my 2 weeks right now. I don't know. Should I? Or should I work one or two days a week? I don't know. I want to pause life and just make myself feel better and get over this shit. 

I seriously cannot function without him. 

I'm lost. 
~C.

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