Star Wars War
So right now I feel uneasy. It was so sunny yesterday and it felt like summer in the sky but snow on the ground. Now it's back to grey. My emotions are confused so I'm sad. Yesterday, Matt's grandfather passed away and it reminded me of my grandfather's passing. I tried to comfort him but I think he just needs time on his own. Again, I'm unsure about everything; even this.
Moving on, my thaya found out about me and Matt a while ago (last month) and told me to tell my parents soon. I still haven't. I'm scared first of all on how it will go down. Secondly, as much as I want it to be serious, it's not there yet. We're still in that stage where we are kids. We're just chillin' til we figure out what we want. There is a future there if you look at just me and him. No families. But his family is accepting of me 100%. There's just my family. I'm uneasy about this. I have no idea what to do. I just want to wait until I know that this is what I want. And right now it is what I want. But knowing my family, if they give me their blessing in this relationship and it ends, they'll most likely say "I told you so." That's something I don't want at all. I can't think at all, I just want to cry. I don't even know how to bring it up. Fuck!
Secondly in reference to the title: There are things in this world that get ruined for you because of one thing. Maybe not ruined, but gain a special meaning. Something that is just, in a way, life altering. For example, Star Wars. Hopefully this is temporary because I'd love to watch the movies some day but for now I can't even talk about it without getting uneasy. Matt said he shouldn't have gone to the movies with her because that's when he knew he felt something for her. And I knew I was jealous for a reason. Now I can't look at her either because I want to say that she led him on and made him start developing feelings for her and I'm just mad at both of them! But I realized this stupid infatuation he had with her when he only texted her. Even when he was driving and even when he was with me and only talked to me about what she said. Okay, fine, you want to make a friend, I get it. But take a fucking break dude. And then I really knew it was developing when they went out to get coffee in the middle of the night, then went to Denny's. And he asked her to go to Denny's but never me.
Okay. I'm over it, he loves me. But I'm not over it because I told him I was jealous and I told him to stop calling and texting her but he fucking didn't. And this betrayed my trust more than anything. It's still not 100% back. And yes, it is his fault! YOU DON'T NEED TO LIE TO ME TO MAKE ME HAPPY. Just tell me the truth. If you tell me that from now on you won't talk to her, and you do, that's a lie. Just tell me the truth that you're gonna cut down on it or that you're not going to stop. Fine. It's better than lying.
I have homework to do but now I'm sad.
Moving on, my thaya found out about me and Matt a while ago (last month) and told me to tell my parents soon. I still haven't. I'm scared first of all on how it will go down. Secondly, as much as I want it to be serious, it's not there yet. We're still in that stage where we are kids. We're just chillin' til we figure out what we want. There is a future there if you look at just me and him. No families. But his family is accepting of me 100%. There's just my family. I'm uneasy about this. I have no idea what to do. I just want to wait until I know that this is what I want. And right now it is what I want. But knowing my family, if they give me their blessing in this relationship and it ends, they'll most likely say "I told you so." That's something I don't want at all. I can't think at all, I just want to cry. I don't even know how to bring it up. Fuck!
Secondly in reference to the title: There are things in this world that get ruined for you because of one thing. Maybe not ruined, but gain a special meaning. Something that is just, in a way, life altering. For example, Star Wars. Hopefully this is temporary because I'd love to watch the movies some day but for now I can't even talk about it without getting uneasy. Matt said he shouldn't have gone to the movies with her because that's when he knew he felt something for her. And I knew I was jealous for a reason. Now I can't look at her either because I want to say that she led him on and made him start developing feelings for her and I'm just mad at both of them! But I realized this stupid infatuation he had with her when he only texted her. Even when he was driving and even when he was with me and only talked to me about what she said. Okay, fine, you want to make a friend, I get it. But take a fucking break dude. And then I really knew it was developing when they went out to get coffee in the middle of the night, then went to Denny's. And he asked her to go to Denny's but never me.
Okay. I'm over it, he loves me. But I'm not over it because I told him I was jealous and I told him to stop calling and texting her but he fucking didn't. And this betrayed my trust more than anything. It's still not 100% back. And yes, it is his fault! YOU DON'T NEED TO LIE TO ME TO MAKE ME HAPPY. Just tell me the truth. If you tell me that from now on you won't talk to her, and you do, that's a lie. Just tell me the truth that you're gonna cut down on it or that you're not going to stop. Fine. It's better than lying.
I have homework to do but now I'm sad.
~C.
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