quits
Remember that Minimalism Challenge I started. I haven't been keeping up with it so I quit.
I'll be a fake ass bitch and say a deep thing here: I don't think I really needed that to be minimalist. I think for the most part, the calm and chill persona I have with my friends is all that I need to be in an okay place. Of course I'm not always like that (especially not recently because of fucking issues) but I try to be most of the time. In regards to school, I'm very chill.
But one thing that really surprised me about that challenge is how hard it is to meditate for even 3 minutes let alone a whole 15. My mind wanders so much and I just can't keep still or calm. It's hard to focus on just breathing and existing. I need to think and let my mind wander it seems. So yea. Meditation is really hard. Actually, focusing on anything is really hard I think. I'm not a very focused person. I can get stuff done, but not one at a time. I have to move from one thing to another then back and forth until it's finished or whatever. In the process, I lose my train of thought.
I'm honestly not a regular quitter unless I know I can do something better if I do leave this behind. And in this case, I think that leaving the challenge and just focusing on my flaws and improving would be better instead of piling these routines and acts and just making my life a mess. I'm not very organized so I need something that I can incorporate into my lifestyle first and then when I need to, I can make the necessary changes to improve.
I know how to do things, I just don't know when or what to do.
Anyways, I sometimes can't talk to people about shit I write here because I feel embarrassed or something but I need to let it out so this is where I do it. I just forget that people are literate and can find this and read it so why do I post so many vague secrets.
I mean, if you know me and know this is my blog, it wouldn't be as vague but still, secrets. shh.
Where am I going with this? I don't know but my back hurts and it's cold and I hate bras.
I'll be a fake ass bitch and say a deep thing here: I don't think I really needed that to be minimalist. I think for the most part, the calm and chill persona I have with my friends is all that I need to be in an okay place. Of course I'm not always like that (especially not recently because of fucking issues) but I try to be most of the time. In regards to school, I'm very chill.
But one thing that really surprised me about that challenge is how hard it is to meditate for even 3 minutes let alone a whole 15. My mind wanders so much and I just can't keep still or calm. It's hard to focus on just breathing and existing. I need to think and let my mind wander it seems. So yea. Meditation is really hard. Actually, focusing on anything is really hard I think. I'm not a very focused person. I can get stuff done, but not one at a time. I have to move from one thing to another then back and forth until it's finished or whatever. In the process, I lose my train of thought.
I'm honestly not a regular quitter unless I know I can do something better if I do leave this behind. And in this case, I think that leaving the challenge and just focusing on my flaws and improving would be better instead of piling these routines and acts and just making my life a mess. I'm not very organized so I need something that I can incorporate into my lifestyle first and then when I need to, I can make the necessary changes to improve.
I know how to do things, I just don't know when or what to do.
Anyways, I sometimes can't talk to people about shit I write here because I feel embarrassed or something but I need to let it out so this is where I do it. I just forget that people are literate and can find this and read it so why do I post so many vague secrets.
I mean, if you know me and know this is my blog, it wouldn't be as vague but still, secrets. shh.
Where am I going with this? I don't know but my back hurts and it's cold and I hate bras.
~C.
Comments
Post a Comment