Spoopy

There are certain things that you want but can't ask for. Somethings like a surprise party! I mean, you can't just ask someone to throw you a party right? But it'd be sick! Like wow people actually care about me enough to throw me a birthday party. Just kidding.

But I know throwing parties and planning that shit is hard work! I'm planning this Secret Santa and it was meant to be super exclusive. But because of excluding so many people, people did turn against me. And granted it's stupid to exclude people who are friends with everyone else in that group. But I accidentally left him out and didn't want to include him afterwards. So I just didn't.

And in a way, I'm the common bad guy in this situation. No offense, but I can plan it how I want. Plus this chick was supposed to help me plan but she's busy and not helping so I'm all alone in this. And then this other friend is hosting her own White Elephant event just to include more people. Sure, having a lot of people is great but I wanted a small thing with people I actually like. It's stupid so whatever.

Now, I just need to find a date and place to have this. Mostly a date because I'm planning to have it at a restaurant.

Secondly, I'm getting comfortable enough with my boyfriend to rant to him, and even get mad at him. It is kind of ridiculous though because it's super small things, but my excuse is that he's my boyfriend and I matter more and he should know better. For instance, today, we went to school and I wanted to buy a bagel because all I ate today was a candy and 2 garlic breads in the morning and it was already 4. So I said "Hey, let's go get food," and he said "okay, let's put our stuff away first." So I agreed and we went to put away our things. But then, he suggested we go up and say hi but that "hi" became dressing up and doing make up and socializing. So in the end, the shop closed and I didn't get my bagel. At that point I was pretty hungry and pissed.

We went down to the movie room and I told him I wanted McDonald's afterwards and he said no, so I suggested Taco Bell then he asked where? Obviously I was talking about the one by my house but what pissed me off now was when he said "How is everyone else going to drive there?"

Okay. Did I invite everyone else?! No. But fine, I'll be nice and go somewhere else. He said Denny's and I was okay with that too but then, again, someone had to say no and changed my bf's mind into going to ramen. Now I was pissed. Because I was already hungry, and he's not listening to what I want and he keeps changing his mind. So now I wasn't talking to him.

He noticed I'm angry and hungry so he asks if I want food and I say yeah. But again, everything is closed since it's almost 6. So I'm mad again. Because all I wanted was a bagel. And we walk back and the movie starts. He grabs a bag of popcorn and I ask if I can share and he bluntly says no, as if it were an obvious answer. That just made me more pissed, so I grab 3 candies and a water bottle and sit down. At this point, I'm so hangry that I don't even want to talk to him. The movie was boring too, so I was having a terrible time there.

We walked out for a bit and I told him why I was so angry ("because you don't listen to me!"). But I doubt he's going to listen to me still.

I do love him, but at time he's so stubborn and immature and overall just a big dick that it pisses me off! Of course I love him! I just wish he'd be more sensitive to my feelings, and more understanding in general.

It's hard to change him though, because of how stubborn he is. He's an Aries, of course he's like this.

In other news, I keep missing my appointments with my counselor and half of it is because I don't feel as though I need it but also because I have other commitments and I keep forgetting to call and cancel. I don't know, it just seems to unnecessary to me now. I'm busy with school, work (I might get another job! I had an interview today), and I just need time for a social life. My biggest problem is my parents, and as much as I'd like to fix that problem, I don't think counselling and talking will help. Only time will. Once I've got a career and my life is financially set, I want to move out! But I have no idea if I'll be able to. I also want to get married to someone I love (aka my current bf) but that's hard too. My parents are super traditional and want me to get married to a man the same culture and religion as the family (tbh, i dont really follow my religion closely so what's the point?).

Life is complicated and I'm honestly really upset right now.


~C.

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