Iced Coffee
Let's talk about last night first. My emotions are a roller coaster and Alice in Wonderland. As my previous post has already informed you, I had to stop what I was doing and go to bed, orders from The Fatherlord. I almost did; I even got into bed, turned off all the lights and closed the laptop hoping it would just sleep. Instead, after about 40 minutes, I got up, got back on the floor and started reading. I don't know if anyone has really noticed this yet, but I'm not exactly what you'd call obedient. I'm a bad seed in an orchard full of the most delicious fruits. I'm the only one in my family who has done drugs willingly and kept it a secret, and overall I'm the one with the most secrets in the house. Of course, this is unknown to all.
Back to last night: I was wanting to write something. Not a blog post here, because I wanted fiction or prose. I wanted to word vomit beautifully. So I tried my old fanfic account that I haven't been on for about 8 months. Nothing. I tried my poetry/photography blog and this time it was vomit that was at the English level of grade 6, but had the mentality of someone wishing to die. In the end, I decided to continue reading my favourite piece of fanfiction from LJ.
I would like to blame one of my problems on fanfiction but it all come down to me in the end. My decisions are, after all, my decisions. So I can't blame a character for my addiction to bleeding and danger, they might have introduced a new world to me but I'm still the one who followed through with my crazy idea. I'm not one to just watch things. And with this particular fanfiction, well let's just say it's an unhealthy addiction of mine. Perhaps it won't be the same for you, but it makes me want to bleed and get high and be a leading member in an organized youth criminal group. I want power and death. Ironic isn't it?
I read for an hour, maybe two. It was nearing 2:30AM and I got back in bed and was craving something. I don't know what but I reached into my dresser and got out something I promised I never would touch again. I ripped something open on my legs, once on my arm and strangely the burning sensation was pleasing and got me to sleep. I haven't cried openly for a long time, not even last night.
Rewind to earlier that night: I lost $5 somewhere. I know where, a store. I cried, not openly. I was whimpering and had four tears, maybe five. Back to 2:30AM, that didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I wanted to drink shrooms and smoke weed. I wanted to have a friend who worked a late shift at 7-11 and I wanted to be someone. Who am I really? I'm not this. I'm not a gangster, I'm not any criminal. I'm seeking attention and power and something exciting.
I fell asleep with pain. I don't know when.
I woke up to an empty house and read some more. It was the chapter in which they use shrooms. One character mentioned a movie; I decided to watch it. I want to race now too. I had a dream about it. Street racing, organised crime. I am romanticizing the life of a criminal who could die any second of any day. Why?
Here is my recipe to iced coffee, something that I need in order for myself to feel normal, safe, not a criminal and still someone.
Back to last night: I was wanting to write something. Not a blog post here, because I wanted fiction or prose. I wanted to word vomit beautifully. So I tried my old fanfic account that I haven't been on for about 8 months. Nothing. I tried my poetry/photography blog and this time it was vomit that was at the English level of grade 6, but had the mentality of someone wishing to die. In the end, I decided to continue reading my favourite piece of fanfiction from LJ.
I would like to blame one of my problems on fanfiction but it all come down to me in the end. My decisions are, after all, my decisions. So I can't blame a character for my addiction to bleeding and danger, they might have introduced a new world to me but I'm still the one who followed through with my crazy idea. I'm not one to just watch things. And with this particular fanfiction, well let's just say it's an unhealthy addiction of mine. Perhaps it won't be the same for you, but it makes me want to bleed and get high and be a leading member in an organized youth criminal group. I want power and death. Ironic isn't it?
I read for an hour, maybe two. It was nearing 2:30AM and I got back in bed and was craving something. I don't know what but I reached into my dresser and got out something I promised I never would touch again. I ripped something open on my legs, once on my arm and strangely the burning sensation was pleasing and got me to sleep. I haven't cried openly for a long time, not even last night.
Rewind to earlier that night: I lost $5 somewhere. I know where, a store. I cried, not openly. I was whimpering and had four tears, maybe five. Back to 2:30AM, that didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I wanted to drink shrooms and smoke weed. I wanted to have a friend who worked a late shift at 7-11 and I wanted to be someone. Who am I really? I'm not this. I'm not a gangster, I'm not any criminal. I'm seeking attention and power and something exciting.
I fell asleep with pain. I don't know when.
I woke up to an empty house and read some more. It was the chapter in which they use shrooms. One character mentioned a movie; I decided to watch it. I want to race now too. I had a dream about it. Street racing, organised crime. I am romanticizing the life of a criminal who could die any second of any day. Why?
Here is my recipe to iced coffee, something that I need in order for myself to feel normal, safe, not a criminal and still someone.
- Right now, my mother bought golden organic sugar which is like... large crystals or whatever so it takes forever to dissolve. So I just take about half a cup of water, a handful of sugar and how much instant coffee I want and just bring it all to a boil (or until i can tell that the sugar is dissolved)
- I cool it down, maybe overnight or just a couple of hours, in the fridge.
- Get a blender or something like a blender and add the coffee and equal amount of ice.
- Blend it until it looks really foamy as if you put milk in it already (but you didn't do that yet ok!)
- when you get the ice as small as you want (like blend it all the way so it's just water or have it crushed ice or tiny shards of glass or something whatever you like it's up to you I do them all)
- Pour some milk into your favourite glass/cup/mug and then pour the iced coffee out of the blender into that cup.
- stir if you want to (sometimes I don't, which makes me really inconsistent)
- drink with straw or without straw
If you actually make this then wow good for you! If you don't, I understand.
I promise you it's delicious. I think I'm gonna go make some right now.
~C.
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