vroom vroom
Being a girl is hard, but being a girl who is into a male dominated hobby/interest/thing is even harder. I'm supposedly into cars.
My car thing (that's what I'm going to call it because it's not really a hobby because I don't do shit) started when I was a kid. Remember back when The Fast and The Furious came out? Yeah, before that. I used to watch TV and the Hot Wheels commercials would come on. I would really want those sets. I wanted all the cool cars just because it was super cool how they went in the loops, and corners and all that crazy stuff. I didn't get any of it. One year, I got this present from some family member (I honestly don't remember who). It was a red remote control car. I think it was a Mustang or something and I had so much fun playing with that thing up until the batteries ran out and I gave up.
Okay. So I liked cars. It's not like I knew anything about them. I knew what horsepower was (the more the better) and I knew the concept of driving. I was in elementary school still, so clearly, not a lot. The thing is, I was still a lot more of a tomboy than any of my friends so I had no one to really share this stuff with. Also, being from a strict household, I didn't easily make any friends who were boys. I was only in elementary and this is getting to the point where I start talking about #growingupwithstrictparents so I'm going to leave the rest of that to your imagination.
Anyways, when I moved to an all girls' school, I was embarrassed by my like for such a male dominated interest. Naturally, I tucked it into a little shelf in the back of my heart and only brought it out when I watched F&F with my family. But as I grew older apart from my family, I got more distanced from that stuff. Only because I had literally no one to talk to about it, and back to the #growingupwithstrictparents, I wasn't really allowed to go online and look at things that weren't homework. Sure my dad knew enough about cars to teach me what all the specs mean, but then again, how often was he home and not scolding me for not doing my work or telling me what to do? Not a lot, so there I was, losing interest in one of the only things I cared for.
Fast forward to high school, all I knew about cars was models and makes. I knew what a Ferrari looked like and definitely knew what Honda Civic was. But honestly, I knew nothing about the specs, or how to build a car or whatever. I still don't really know.
I was never surrounded by people who liked cars legitimately. And I do. I want to build my own racecar and I want to go to the track and race and learn to drift and all that crazy stupid shit car people do but I can't. I don't know anything about anything. Maybe I'm a fake? Maybe I just wanna look cool? I don't know!!!!!!! I just wanna learn shit about cars but I don't know how without sounding stupid???????????????????????????????????
OK. So go back a few months, I got an Accord. It's blue, super cute. I wanted to get a kit for it, rice it out and shit. I even got new wheels (v nice enkeis) and I total it. She died so hard; so sad. The car I have now, R34 Skyline. NA so like super stock and as basic as I am. Hopefully going to do some mods on it over the summer. But again, I'm like confused about what exactly. Like yeah, I want to build shit but I don't know what to do and what it means. I'm sorry if I sound like a poser. I really want to do stuff but I want to learn too?
Life is so frustrating. Okay I don't remember wheere I was going with this when I started. This has been a draft for a while, that's why I lost my train of thought. Anyways. I'm going to bed because I have 2 finals tomorrow.
My car thing (that's what I'm going to call it because it's not really a hobby because I don't do shit) started when I was a kid. Remember back when The Fast and The Furious came out? Yeah, before that. I used to watch TV and the Hot Wheels commercials would come on. I would really want those sets. I wanted all the cool cars just because it was super cool how they went in the loops, and corners and all that crazy stuff. I didn't get any of it. One year, I got this present from some family member (I honestly don't remember who). It was a red remote control car. I think it was a Mustang or something and I had so much fun playing with that thing up until the batteries ran out and I gave up.
Okay. So I liked cars. It's not like I knew anything about them. I knew what horsepower was (the more the better) and I knew the concept of driving. I was in elementary school still, so clearly, not a lot. The thing is, I was still a lot more of a tomboy than any of my friends so I had no one to really share this stuff with. Also, being from a strict household, I didn't easily make any friends who were boys. I was only in elementary and this is getting to the point where I start talking about #growingupwithstrictparents so I'm going to leave the rest of that to your imagination.
Anyways, when I moved to an all girls' school, I was embarrassed by my like for such a male dominated interest. Naturally, I tucked it into a little shelf in the back of my heart and only brought it out when I watched F&F with my family. But as I grew older apart from my family, I got more distanced from that stuff. Only because I had literally no one to talk to about it, and back to the #growingupwithstrictparents, I wasn't really allowed to go online and look at things that weren't homework. Sure my dad knew enough about cars to teach me what all the specs mean, but then again, how often was he home and not scolding me for not doing my work or telling me what to do? Not a lot, so there I was, losing interest in one of the only things I cared for.
Fast forward to high school, all I knew about cars was models and makes. I knew what a Ferrari looked like and definitely knew what Honda Civic was. But honestly, I knew nothing about the specs, or how to build a car or whatever. I still don't really know.
I was never surrounded by people who liked cars legitimately. And I do. I want to build my own racecar and I want to go to the track and race and learn to drift and all that crazy stupid shit car people do but I can't. I don't know anything about anything. Maybe I'm a fake? Maybe I just wanna look cool? I don't know!!!!!!! I just wanna learn shit about cars but I don't know how without sounding stupid???????????????????????????????????
OK. So go back a few months, I got an Accord. It's blue, super cute. I wanted to get a kit for it, rice it out and shit. I even got new wheels (v nice enkeis) and I total it. She died so hard; so sad. The car I have now, R34 Skyline. NA so like super stock and as basic as I am. Hopefully going to do some mods on it over the summer. But again, I'm like confused about what exactly. Like yeah, I want to build shit but I don't know what to do and what it means. I'm sorry if I sound like a poser. I really want to do stuff but I want to learn too?
Life is so frustrating. Okay I don't remember wheere I was going with this when I started. This has been a draft for a while, that's why I lost my train of thought. Anyways. I'm going to bed because I have 2 finals tomorrow.
~C.
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