Minimal; Freedom.
Today is the last day of the year. I was supposed to be at Glitter and Gold tonight but because of my strict parents who hate fun, I'm stuck at home doing nothing. I'm upset and bored but I guess this gives me time to explain many things.
I know this isn't a daily blog, and I don't plan on making it one. But for the coming month (January) I plan on starting the minimalism challenge. I've had this picture in my album for a while now, and when I transferred my pictures from one phone to another, I realized that I still haven't done the challenge. It is a 30-day challenge and I suppose it does help de-clutter your life. But that's not why I've decided to do it. My reason is because becoming minimal will help me stay calm and less anxious.
I feel as though my life is very full of shit. I have so much going on, my brain is unorganized, my room is a mess and I just can't get my life together. I feel like taking so many things out of my life will help me clear my mind and I'll start accepting my mind. Right now, I can feel a million things running around. My mind is not at peace, nor is it content. I want to reach a state where I feel one with myself. A type of mindset which isn't cluttered, racing, unorganized, fuzzy.
I'm distracted. It may be because I want to escape. I want an escape. I want freedom. I want to be able to go out late at night, have fun, and come back whenever the next day. I actually just want to move out.
Those are not new years resolutions.
I don't think I have any this year. I never thought about it and I don't feel like changing myself because nothing ever goes as planned. Instead, I'm just going to work on my minor flaws such as being a little baby and crying over small things. I need to prove to everyone around me that I'm an adult, and as much as people say that crying doesn't mean you're weak, that's fake. Crying is seen as weak and it doesn't matter what people say! If I cry, in people's eyes I am not an adult. I'm a baby and I can't take care of myself. That is false too. If I lived on my own, I could take care of myself very well. I have two jobs, I know how to cook and drive and I'd have enough for rent and school and even money for myself. I know it's hard! But, it's not like I'm moving to another city or country. I just feel like that is the only way I can get my freedom. I cannot get what I want living in this house because my parents do not treat me as an adult. I don't actually want to move out, but I feel like it's the only way. Sounds weird but yea, that's basically what I mean is that I just want freedom and moving out seems to be the only way to gain it.
I feel like my parents give me all these responsibilities like driving the kids to school, giving rides, getting groceries, cooking, babysitting yet I don't get what I want in return. They say I get to go out but that's not what I want exactly. It's just part of something bigger that I want. I want the freedom to go wherever, whenever, for however long, no questions asked. I don't think it's unreasonable. A lot of people act this way as adults, for example: parents when they go out to parties. I don't have kids to take care of, I should be able to go.
It's unreasonable for them to say I can wait until I get married because 1) what if I don't get married and 2) some things are only appropriate for certain ages like going to raves and house parties. I won't have time to have fun when I graduate because I'll be working 9-5 5 days/week. University is the only time for this fun. And I'm still getting amazing grades so where is the problem!?
I don't know. But right now, I'm just having a shit New Years Eve.. again.
I know this isn't a daily blog, and I don't plan on making it one. But for the coming month (January) I plan on starting the minimalism challenge. I've had this picture in my album for a while now, and when I transferred my pictures from one phone to another, I realized that I still haven't done the challenge. It is a 30-day challenge and I suppose it does help de-clutter your life. But that's not why I've decided to do it. My reason is because becoming minimal will help me stay calm and less anxious.
I feel as though my life is very full of shit. I have so much going on, my brain is unorganized, my room is a mess and I just can't get my life together. I feel like taking so many things out of my life will help me clear my mind and I'll start accepting my mind. Right now, I can feel a million things running around. My mind is not at peace, nor is it content. I want to reach a state where I feel one with myself. A type of mindset which isn't cluttered, racing, unorganized, fuzzy.
I'm distracted. It may be because I want to escape. I want an escape. I want freedom. I want to be able to go out late at night, have fun, and come back whenever the next day. I actually just want to move out.
Those are not new years resolutions.
I don't think I have any this year. I never thought about it and I don't feel like changing myself because nothing ever goes as planned. Instead, I'm just going to work on my minor flaws such as being a little baby and crying over small things. I need to prove to everyone around me that I'm an adult, and as much as people say that crying doesn't mean you're weak, that's fake. Crying is seen as weak and it doesn't matter what people say! If I cry, in people's eyes I am not an adult. I'm a baby and I can't take care of myself. That is false too. If I lived on my own, I could take care of myself very well. I have two jobs, I know how to cook and drive and I'd have enough for rent and school and even money for myself. I know it's hard! But, it's not like I'm moving to another city or country. I just feel like that is the only way I can get my freedom. I cannot get what I want living in this house because my parents do not treat me as an adult. I don't actually want to move out, but I feel like it's the only way. Sounds weird but yea, that's basically what I mean is that I just want freedom and moving out seems to be the only way to gain it.
I feel like my parents give me all these responsibilities like driving the kids to school, giving rides, getting groceries, cooking, babysitting yet I don't get what I want in return. They say I get to go out but that's not what I want exactly. It's just part of something bigger that I want. I want the freedom to go wherever, whenever, for however long, no questions asked. I don't think it's unreasonable. A lot of people act this way as adults, for example: parents when they go out to parties. I don't have kids to take care of, I should be able to go.
It's unreasonable for them to say I can wait until I get married because 1) what if I don't get married and 2) some things are only appropriate for certain ages like going to raves and house parties. I won't have time to have fun when I graduate because I'll be working 9-5 5 days/week. University is the only time for this fun. And I'm still getting amazing grades so where is the problem!?
I don't know. But right now, I'm just having a shit New Years Eve.. again.
~C.
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