i hate culture

Traditional culture. I hate culture with the traditional meaning. Culture as in the traditions you follow based on your ethnicity and what country your great-grandparents came from. I hate that culture because it doesn't let me adapt to my now.

Culture with the modern definition does. Culture where you define yourself. Culture where you know about things and traditions and integrate them into your life.

Now imagine this: you're living in Canada and your family is from India. Say you love a person from Hong Kong. You share the same core values, your lifestyles are similar and definitely compatible. The only thing that stands in the way is our culture. Our Canadian culture, which is predominate, is something to be overlooked by my parents. (wow i changed pov but y'all already knew it was about me). This one tiny thing, something that, while important, isn't the only thing in the world,

So out of anger my dad said these things: ugly, snot nosed, drooling, blind guy who is ruining my kid. Okay. At first I was mad and upset and wanted to yell and scream but I see that he's just angry. He doesn't really hate him, he's just upset that I'm growing up and wants someone to blame it on. Also, he's scared of losing me to another man. Yes, that makes sense but it doesn't stop him from being irrational. Thinking rationally, the only reason to say no would be if Matt were in trouble with the law, if he was an alcoholic, abusive, had no future, can't take care of me, can't take care of himself, has no life. You know, normal stuff to worry about.

But seriously, even I don't follow my traditions 100%. God knows I'm only saying shit because my parents want me to. But dear lord all mighty, if I ever make it out of this house for good then I'm living life the way I want to. If I want to follow some traditions, I will. If I want to not follow some, then I won't! I'm 19 years old goddammit. If I haven't moved out already, you need to know that I do really care for you parents. I'm not living here because I have to, at this point it really is a choice. I could easily pack all my things (which will fit into like 2 suitcases and 2 boxes and move out to live at school or an apartment. It's not that hard for me. I work 2 jobs, I can cook and clean. Seriously though, I love my parents and I can't imagine leaving them but they need to understand that they don't own me! I'm my own person. Sorry if that's not "tradition" and not our "culture" but that is the way that is right to me.

Why is this so complicated!?

~C.

i wrote this almost over a year ago. 
since then, i have learned a lot, and changed a lot more. 
i'm currently in love with my boyfriend, i am a lot happier. just because i'm takin meds... 
but yea... i dont know why i was so pressed there. 
but no... next blog post coming up......