Queen
So yes, I am a queen. Snapchat queen and otherwise. A boy broke my heart recently and then another just 2 weeks later. Somehow, I set myself up for heartache heartbreak that time. Why does he speak to me and why does he not? I shrug.
So this boy, he still talks to me. Maybe he likes me, maybe he wants me to like him. I don't though. Not after what he tried to do. But he texts me a lot still and for while I didn't. But I decided that there was no tension between us anymore so I started texting back again. I told him a lot of things now, I regret it somewhat. I was high on codeine and totally losing my mind anyway. I thought I'd die so might as well tell him, right? So I told him about my cutting habit. Didn't tell him I relapsed though, so that's still a secret. Told him a lot of things that I don't remember now. And I guess he listened so good for him. But I mean, if anyone had asked and paid attention to me I'd have told them too. So it's really an lockless safe, right?
The other boy though, from grade 10. I told him I wanted to kiss him. Not directly! I guess I made it obvious in an embarrassing way. And he returned the feeling I think. Well he did say he wanted to kiss me and called me a babe so that's something! But then I asked if he wanted to go out sometime and nothing after that. Still nothing!
I'm sick of boys who want me and don't actually want me!
I'm rambling. Somehow word vomit doesn't phase me anymore. It's like I'm bulimic.
School is such a chore. Coming home is a bigger chore and I hate it. I hate being home so much because I don't KNOW I JUST FUCKING HATE IT! (Imagine that as me talking to a calm person while I'm having a tantrum and throwing things in a kitchen while dressed like an office slut with dark lipstick) [end scene]
I'm a real mess huh?
So this semester is trash enough about school talk. Let me tell you about Friday!
I went to karaoke with friends from school (oh look i said school) and it was so fun! I even drank for the first time! Excluding that cooler I had at Anna's house back in November because do coolers really even count? Meh. I don't know if I was drunk though because I felt like I wasn't but my friend said I was confusing and a few people thought I was so I don't really know. Maybe?
But I got home and took 4 pills of codeine that was actually prescribed to my mom because she got 4 wisdom teeth pulled out. And I took those pills, not knowing you can't take it with alcohol until after I took it and I got so scared. Which is why I let all those secrets spill. Guys, look, I'm a mess I really don't care about the formatting of this post as long as the grammar and spelling is readable. So I took those pills, and I'm talking to a new friend over snapchat and he's out clubbing and pretty drunk and I told him that I was pretty high on codeine. And my brain felt like mush but also like Pepsi. And my ears were popping it was all very fun. And then I passed out at like 6 or something.
Whatever. That sums up this whole semester pretty well. There's a guy, that new guy, he likes the same music as me so I gotta get to be his friend and find some more good music from him. The weird thing is that I don't know if he was being serious about makin plans to get high or not because I wanted it to be serious but I'm not sure if he knew that. HUh.. I'm the supposed queenpin (like kingpin only female) at the club too. Just because we're carrying out a week old joke about me selling drugs.
Yeah, well. I'm gonna go ditch this blog for a long while now, as always. See ya!!!
So this boy, he still talks to me. Maybe he likes me, maybe he wants me to like him. I don't though. Not after what he tried to do. But he texts me a lot still and for while I didn't. But I decided that there was no tension between us anymore so I started texting back again. I told him a lot of things now, I regret it somewhat. I was high on codeine and totally losing my mind anyway. I thought I'd die so might as well tell him, right? So I told him about my cutting habit. Didn't tell him I relapsed though, so that's still a secret. Told him a lot of things that I don't remember now. And I guess he listened so good for him. But I mean, if anyone had asked and paid attention to me I'd have told them too. So it's really an lockless safe, right?
The other boy though, from grade 10. I told him I wanted to kiss him. Not directly! I guess I made it obvious in an embarrassing way. And he returned the feeling I think. Well he did say he wanted to kiss me and called me a babe so that's something! But then I asked if he wanted to go out sometime and nothing after that. Still nothing!
I'm sick of boys who want me and don't actually want me!
I'm rambling. Somehow word vomit doesn't phase me anymore. It's like I'm bulimic.
School is such a chore. Coming home is a bigger chore and I hate it. I hate being home so much because I don't KNOW I JUST FUCKING HATE IT! (Imagine that as me talking to a calm person while I'm having a tantrum and throwing things in a kitchen while dressed like an office slut with dark lipstick) [end scene]
I'm a real mess huh?
So this semester is trash enough about school talk. Let me tell you about Friday!
I went to karaoke with friends from school (oh look i said school) and it was so fun! I even drank for the first time! Excluding that cooler I had at Anna's house back in November because do coolers really even count? Meh. I don't know if I was drunk though because I felt like I wasn't but my friend said I was confusing and a few people thought I was so I don't really know. Maybe?
But I got home and took 4 pills of codeine that was actually prescribed to my mom because she got 4 wisdom teeth pulled out. And I took those pills, not knowing you can't take it with alcohol until after I took it and I got so scared. Which is why I let all those secrets spill. Guys, look, I'm a mess I really don't care about the formatting of this post as long as the grammar and spelling is readable. So I took those pills, and I'm talking to a new friend over snapchat and he's out clubbing and pretty drunk and I told him that I was pretty high on codeine. And my brain felt like mush but also like Pepsi. And my ears were popping it was all very fun. And then I passed out at like 6 or something.
Whatever. That sums up this whole semester pretty well. There's a guy, that new guy, he likes the same music as me so I gotta get to be his friend and find some more good music from him. The weird thing is that I don't know if he was being serious about makin plans to get high or not because I wanted it to be serious but I'm not sure if he knew that. HUh.. I'm the supposed queenpin (like kingpin only female) at the club too. Just because we're carrying out a week old joke about me selling drugs.
Yeah, well. I'm gonna go ditch this blog for a long while now, as always. See ya!!!
-C.
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